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Satanic Rites 1
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Satanic Rites - Issue 1 (1992-05-17)(Destiny).adf
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{2 Ohh, you poor dear!
{1Your problems solved with Madame Pico
}1Madame Pico {1is here every issue with
her selection of your letters from her
mailbag. She's currently living in the
attic of the {4DTY WHQ {1and can get very
bored up there without your letters.
If you have a problem, big or small
({5oo-er{1) write to {6Madame Pico {1and
she'll gaze into her crystal ball to
find the answers.
{5Write to:
{3Ohh, You Poor dear with Mme. Pico,
}2Destiny,
{1The Bungalow,
{5Keycol Hill,
{4Newington,
{6Kent.
{3ME9 8NA
{2England.
{6Madame Pico {1will award disks to just
about anyone she thinks deserves them
so get those letters into us {5now{1!
{3Dear Madame Pico,
{4I've swallowed the {5Eiffel Tower {4and
am now suffering the most aweful
indigestion. What do you suggest?
({2Tums, ta-tums-tums-TUMS!{5)
{7 M. Lapond
Paris, France
{4Mme Pico:
{1Ohh, you poor dear. Swallowing the
{5Eiffel Tower {1was a bit {5careless{1,
but luvvie, I'm not here to say "{5I
told you so.{1" Your eating habits
are likely to start {5World War three{1,
but on the plus side you've removed
the biggest eyesaw in {6Paris{1. Your
indigestion is being caused by a
{2Pepsi {1(spit spit) machine on the third
floor. Pull that out, luvvie, and
you'll be fine.
{7Dear Madame Pico,
I take drugs like Marijauna, do you?
J. Major
{5o {1I {5d {5 ee!
{4Mme Pico: {1N {1 d {1e {5 r {1 e
{1 , {5o {1ak {1u {5 h
{5n' {5t {5gs! {1W
{1t
{4Dear Madame Pico,
{6I am {4Alan Sugar{6, can you help?
{3 Anonymous
{4 Amstrad House
{5Mme Pico:
{2Ohh, you {6capatilist swine{2. {5I'm
against drigs in {1principle{5, but I'd
recommend an }1overdose{5!
{4Dear Madame Pico,
{6I am {2Mikhail Gorbachev{6, and my
{3economic policies {6have made me
{4homeless{6. Can you help?
{2Mikhail Gorbychoff
{5Mme Pico:
{1Ohh, you poor dear, {5Mikhail{1. Maybe
it's because you're such a {3capitalist,
{2consumerist, }3SCUMBALL! {1Communism
{5RULES!! {1Bring back {5Kruschev{1, bring
back {5Lenin - }7POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!
{1But since I quite fancied you in your
{5superpower {1days, you can come and
stay in my attic.
{6Dear Madame Pico,
{6My name is {4Sir Clive Sinclair{6, but
I would like to remain anonymous. {3My
problem is that I can't stop inventing
totaly {2psychodelic & cool weirdo
gizmos {3- but I've got to go now - my
{4solar powered flying bicycle {3is
waiting.
{6Anon.
{4Mme Pico:
{1Dearie, Dearie me. {3What you need is
something to ruin your creativity and
show you what {6unoriginality ^REALLY^ is.
{3I recommend Anarchy's `{2Digital
Innovation.{3' {5YAWN!
{6Dearest Madame Pico,
{5I'm still alive, what should I do?
{1 Robert Maxwell
Secret Hideaway in the Bahamas
{7Mme Pico:
{1You {5poor dear {1Robert, {4commit
suicide.
{6Dear Madame Pico,
{7'm I dyslxic. HLPE!
{5Mme Pico: {4Sod off you pratt! {2Didn't I
run you over last week?
{7Dear Madame Pico,
I was going to write something but
I can't remember what. I'm really
very sorry. I have to go now. Goodbye.
Sorry.
J. Major
Mme Pico: zzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ
{1(As you can see {2Madame Pico {1gives out
very good advice. I don't write this
coloumn but I'm sure that she didn't
mean that about {5Anarchy. {2Digital
Innovation {1may have been boring,
but the latest {5Anarchy {1products are
REALLY COOL! {4Keep it up guys! {1-Ed.)